The following is now available to read on my Medium blog page. To read more of my posts, click here.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month and I think it’s only fair that I share this viewpoint with you guys since I am a neurodivergent writer of color. It’s even more so when I’m a neurodivergent male writer of color.
When I was growing up, boys were taught to keep their emotions to themselves, to never show any sign of weakness. The media taught us that crying meant that we were being wimpy and to show affection meant being “sissified.” And it’s little wonder that more and more men these days are either turning to drug usage, violence, or just bottling up their emotions to the point of contemplating suicide.
In my family, it’s a totally different ball game, especially in a conservative household. The men in general had their own coping mechanisms and thought that mental health was something that was never truly discussed. The younger men just downplayed the situation or ignored their feelings entirely. The older men just said to “take it to God in prayer (a common belief in a faith-based household in the Deep South).”
Me?
Well, let’s just say that I can only go so far with just being strong for everyone while ignoring what I want to say out loud. Some days I can get by by ignoring the small things with some music or my writing career. Other days, it’s like I’m lost in this fog of my regrets and past mistakes. At the end of the day, I can only allow myself to make the most of the situation.
But too many times I often wondered when enough is enough? I wanted to let myself speak my mind when the timing is right, only to feel likee wrong when faced with harsh criticism from my own family. And even when I’m trying to have a day to myself, it’s like I have to put my needs aside when I’m called to help out with a marginal errand for my siblings when they can do it themselves.
In all fairness, folks, I blame myself for letting myself do things for my brother and sisters because I always did it for them when I was younger. At first, I thought it was because I wanted to be a good brother. Now? Let’s just say that I always felt guilty for saying “no.”
You know something? I often think about a particular Facebook post from the past that nagged my mind.
“If you’re outgoing, you’re accused of wanting too much attention. If you’re a wallflower, they think you’re antisocial. If you’re fat, they think you’re a pig. If you’re skinny, they think you’re wasting away or anorexic. If you’re smart, they think you’re a know-it-all. If you’re dumb, they think you’re doomed for failure. People will talk about you no matter if you’re one thing or another. In their eyes, you’re not good enough and the standards will always be changing where you’ll never reach them. They want you to live by their rules yet change them so you won’t even make it out the door. All you can do is be yourself and unapologetic.”
I could be paraphrasing that statement a bit, if not embellishing it little. But there’s some fact to what’s been said. Life’s not always black-and-white with no room for errors. We can’t always be conditioned to become flawless life-sized Barbies and Kens chasing the good life. I believe that everyone on Earth has the right to be who they are meant to be and we’re to come together no matter who we are. For any male who is reading this post (especially for the Black-American and Hispanic communities), I want you all that it’s okay to show emotion and show a bit of the person that you’ve been ordered to keep hidden to gain street-cred with your family and friends. If I can be honest, the world might become a better place if all the males broke down their egos and swallowed their prides to show off the kinder version of themselves to the world. There’d be a lot less deaths and wars if we could learn to love and care properly like we’ve been taught to do back in daycare.
Jarrick D. Exum: Author & Artist 