Getting Back in Gear: Plans for the Future with My Writing Career and My Blog

Hey, everyone. JDE here.

As of late, I have been very busy with my side projects, so much so that I’ve haven’t gotten enough time or energy to check in on you guys outside of my “JDE on Medium” segments. Lately, I’ve been so caught up with life that it’s easy to forget about my main writer profile and platform regarding my stories on Amazon. And since it’s the summer rush, I’m very busy with keeping myself occupied with my side projects. But I hope to make some changes very soon as I get back on my feet after spending this weekend with a nasty sinus infection that required bed rest. Even now, I’m feeling stuffed up. Hopefully, I can start creating more blog posts in the future. 

Anyway, I’m still letting the rough draft of “The Beautifully Damned and the Eternally Blessed” rest a little before I get to work with revising and editing before it’s ready for the premiere on Amazon by this holiday season. My main goal for its premiere was originally before Thanksgiving, but I decided to wait until around Christmastime so I could get ready for yet another project from my “Vigilantes Among Us” series. All the same, I want to make sure that my first-ever adult-oriented murder mystery novel is going to be a game-changing experience since it’s likely to be very controversial in more ways than one. I told myself that one day I would write this novel no matter how scandalous the storyline may become and how it might put me in a negative spotlight. I’ve been playing it safe for the longest with family-friendly novellas. It’s time for me to shake things up while showcasing a different side of myself. You might love me or hate me for this, but I’m not backing down. Once the holiday season arrives and I launch this novel, I will be taking the next big leap in my writing career.

As for this blog, there will be some changes coming this fall. Even as I work on my side projects and getting ready to edit my mystery novel, I want to make sure that I enter a new chapter of my life once my birthday arrives and I let go of any and every inhibitions that keep me from my potential. I’ll come clean and say that I’m my worst enemy when it comes to being a creator at times. I strongly believe in the old saying “you’re only as good as your last work,” so I am constantly competing against myself to create something totally new in the literary world whether it’s for my eyes only or ready for the general population or even saved for a special audience in the future. It’s a challenge to get something out because I fear of failure as a writer, of having my grandfather being proven right of me being a writer is not a real career. I want to show him that I am a great artist of words no matter if it’s a success or a failure. But there are certain stories that I can’t show him since he’s a minister and my family’s from a faith-based community. So this year is when I’ll let go all the inhibitions and start coming clean with who I really am to you all. You might give me the hook or the ovation for it, but it is what it is and I am who I can only be. Love me or hate me for it.

With that said, I will be checking in as often as possible, but there are no guarantees at the moment other than the “JDE on Medium” segments. I love you guys so much and I will see you guys later this week!

“JDE on Medium” Segment: Book Banning, the Enemy Against Our Version of Events

The following blog post is now available to read on my Medium blog page. To read more, click here!

Okay, folks, I usually don’t talk about book banning these days, but I think it’s time for me to have my say in regards to great stories being muted by the “concerned parents.”

It’s one thing to guard the children from reading something that can be too explicit for the little ones. But it’s another thing to block them from reading something that involves sexuality, people of color, or anything that involves or written by the minorities (the LGBTQ, writers or color, etc.). And for what it’s worth as neurodivergent writer of color, I think that people are just scared of reading something that needs to be addressed in the real world.

There are so many other books of our time that are being muted by these so-called self-righteous people who want to whitewash everything in the media to keep things relatively safe for their communities. As a writer of color, this means that books written about racial equality or injustice are twice as likely to be shut down than others because institutionalized racism wants everyone to think less about civil rights or how Black-Americans still faced discrimination or policing and more about hiding our legacies. The more that this happens, the more it saddens me because less stories about African-Americans who are more than their statuses aren’t being told these days while the media wants to stereotype us as “hoodlums” lost in drugs and alcohol or being marginalized as mere side characters in stories or shows featuring White-American leads. I feat that the more stories that are being muted and erased, the more that we’re soon facing a world where being an individual as a writer can mean total ostracism or where books will only feature cookie-cutter content that’s overrated or done one too many times.

I could be facing a lot of heat for this, but I really don’t care anymore. I believe that everyone still has stories to tell, so I know that it’s not okay to mute anyone who thinks outside of what’s expected for today. Yes, it’s true to be mindful of what we share to the world, but it’s not okay to silence who we are no matter who says otherwise. I’m a writer who wants to be heard, so I know how that’s like in my own home when no one could care less that I’m a writer. But authors need to speak out and stand tall for what they want to write. It’s time to raise our voices and not let insecurities or naysayers’ pride get in our way. To quote Emeli Sande, It’s time for the world to hear our version of events.

“JDE on Medium” Segment

The following is now available to read on my Medium blog page. To read more of my articles, click here.

Well, it hasn’t been an easy ride for this rising novelist. But despite moments of handling personal matters and fighting my allergies, I can truly say that I am nearly finished with my first-ever murder-mystery novella for the April Edition of Camp NaNoWriMo 2024. And after I take today to write the last chapter with tomorrow being when I work on the two-part epilogue, I’ll be letting the first draft sit over the summer before I dive back in with a fresh set of eyes and see what needs to be edited before the publication process begins.

I really want this project of mine to work out because I’ve never written anything like this before. Well, I have written a mystery novel before but I never published it and it was meant for my eyes only. All the same, I learned a lot during the April run of Camp NaNo and what it means to let myself go the distance. But there are three key points that I’ve learned this month about all that and being able to take risks.

Sometimes it’s good to shake things up. As a minister’s grandson, I was expected to keep things clean and faith-oriented. With this project, I touched on the topics that were mainly taboo in the family: the LGBTQ community, domestic violence, family abuse, sexuality, and standing up for oneself. In my conservative hometown, this wouldn’t have flown at all. And I know that this piece might be controversial when it comes to storytelling. But it’s MY story for the most part and I am willing to take chances.

It’s okay to make a sacrifice or two when it comes to writing. All this month, I expected a phone call from my grandfather to help him out with some yardwork. And when I did, I made a mental note to make room for at least one chapter a day- sometimes early in the morning- to get something done and let it set to the side. Of course, I also made sure to keep track of my progress and see what needs to be done. Still, I never let a good story go unwritten now that I have goals and desires to take my writing career to the next level.

This project helped me verify my identity as a writer. All the while, I’ve told myself that I was just an aspiring author looking forward to create the next best thing. But every time that I hit the computer and write at least one chapter (or even on this blog post), I knew that I was a writer from the start. I just had to start believing in myself to prove it. Before this year, I wrote countless of stories that were either for a specific audience of mine or for my eyes only. Now that I wrote my mystery novel, I can truly say that I am a good author with a lot of stories to tell. It’s going to take a while to get used to this feeling. But I’m done playing it safe for the most part. If I am to go the extra mile with my writing career, I need to start owning my power and not let my fears get to me.

So, where does this project go from here? Well, my novel is to take a literary marinating process over the summer before I can go back and begin the revising/editing process. I’m still keeping the elements that I’ve used, but there’s always time for some improvements to make sure that the story in general is camera-ready for the literary runways. And to anyone who wants to learn more about my project, I promise you that when it drops this holiday season, I plan to share the whole tea and shade about what to expect. For now, I am truly happy with what I’ve accomplished for this month- so much so that I am going to make plans for the July run of Camp NaNoWriMo- this time, a romance story based on the road to healing, second chances, and unanswered desires that might give my grandfather a heart attack. But hey, this is going to be MY story. If he has a problem with that, then it’s on him.

Ladies and gentlemen, the rough draft of my murder-mystery novel has been completed! After letting it rest over the summer, I will be hard at work with revising, editing, proofreading, and formatting the manuscript until it’s primed for its holiday release! Details will be kept top-secret until then, but I will announce the official summary before November.

“JDE on Medium” Segment: Censorship, Art, and My Writing Career

The following blog post can be read on my Medium page. To read more of my content, click here.


Well, folks, March Madness has officially kicked off for this writer.


As the seasons change, I’m constantly surrounded by waves of change within others while I feel like everything for my life is the same. With my writing career, I feel like the more that I play the safer routes- keeping my unrestrained side in the background while sticking to safer topics for public appearances; the less that I am taken seriously as a creator. It’s like I have to dance to everyone else’s tune to make them happy while I have to put myself on hold. Even as I’m doing the April run of Camp NaNoWriMo; it’s like my inner censor wants me to remember my family’s values and how we’re brought up in church to stay in line with what’s expected of me.


It’s little wonder that I feel like I’m not getting any readers nowadays. It’s little wonder that I feel like I can only disguise myself though a pen name and tell stories the way I want to- stories that are forbidden and controversial, the same stories that your grandparents would warn you against reading and yet you read when everyone else is asleep at night. Those are the stories that I write on the sly and keep for my own eyes only or for a special audience in the future.


But this year, I want to try something different for a change, take a different route to show my future readers the true side of JDE. I might catch a lot of heat for doing this, but maybe I don’t want to be silenced by so many voices who think that I should write stories that make them happy or that are perfect for thier people yet never dare to read. I’m a writer AND an artist. Is it so wrong for me to want to step out of line once and a while and dare to be reckless? Is it really a crime to break away from monotony’s black-and-white laws to truly create a 4K Technicolor masterpiece and enjoy it? Or have we artists grown comfortable with staying in the lines and let the cynics and the self-righteous dictate what’s best for the bookshelves lately? With so much of this book banning and avoiding “woke” culture that’s going around, there’s no telling if we’ll end up being in jail for speaking against something that’s not “culture-friendly” or “conservative-appropriate.” And I’m speaking from experience as someone who feels as I’ve been judged for most of my life due to my eccentric ideas.


This year is when I want to truly try something different without feeling like I’m the main character from “The Scarlet Letter.” I want to create and publish tales where it can be okay to venture into the unknown, dabble into genres that can be taboo for some, write about characters with colorful backstories and lifestyles where it’s not right for the religious, and maybe use all of my unspoken words to finally create the masterpiece that truly reflects the unspoken rhapsody from my heart. If that’s too much to ask or if it’s a crime to be that kind of bold as an indie author and artist; then that’s on you because I just want to be me. Sue me if you must! My name is Jarrick D. Exum and I’m done being censored by my past, haters, and myself. And this is the start of showcasing my true self as an artist. This time around, I’m going to be unfiltered, unscripted, and unleashing my inner songs. So I hope you’re ready, because I’m sharing EVERYTHING with you about my creative writing journey and personal matters about me. Let’s go!


This spring, I’m going to go the distance with my journey as a content creator and sharing my more intimate side to you all as I deal with the words that I’ve left unspoken, my unwritten stories, and my deepest confessions. I might catch a lot of heat for doing this, but it’s time that I got real with all of you. This year…I’m going unscripted and off the prompts. This spring, it’s time for the “JDE on Medium” segment to get candid. So I hope you all join me for everything and anything about me. Until next time, my friends!

Online Book Tour Day Three: “Heart of Inferno: The Rebirth of Skylar McNeal” and “The Nerd’s Symphony”

It’s day three of the “Vigilantes Among Us/Heart of Inferno” superhero-teen-fiction online book tour! And since it’s Hump-Day Wednesday, I figured that today calls for TWO books from my serials. Let’s kick things off with “Heart of Inferno: The Rebirth of Skylar McNeal,” the first installment of the “Heart of Inferno” spinoff trilogy.


My name is Skylar McNeal. Ever since I was born, my life was far from charmed; from being hated for being biracial in a lily-white family with extremist values and living in an extremist town that never appreciated diversity to going to school that’s full of bullies and elitists, I endured it all. But I never expected to die two days shy of my eighteenth birthday and one day from graduation. I knew I wouldn’t be missed by anyone other than my best friend and her family. But there would be no need for an obituary or a funeral, because the day that I died was the day that I finally was reborn into a fiery flame.


Heart of Inferno: The Rebirth of Skylar McNeal” is now available on Amazon for $13.99/hardcover, $12.99/paperback, and $6.99/ebook. And since it’s the first one of the “Heart of Inferno” spinoff trilogy, you an go ahead and catch up with Skylar’s ongoing story before “Mental Flames” drops. 

And now, here’s the summary for “The Nerd’s Symphony,” book three of the “Vigilantes Among Us” serials.


Summer vacation is getting ready to come into full swing, but Xavier Reeves has other fish to fry- from an ornery new teammate to dealing with his personal problems regarding his past. It’s a bit challenging to deal with a lot of heavy emotions.  He has to learn that to truly move forward, he has to step back from the demands and learn to press pause. Because whether or not he likes it, Xavier’s reliving the memories of being  bullied by his school terrorist Riley Copeland.


“The Nerd’s Symphony” is available to read on Amazon for $12.99/hardcover, $10.99/paperback, and $5.99/ebook; but you have to read both “A Nerd among Heroes: The Memoir of Xavier Reeves” and “Nerd of Fire, Rebel of Ice” in that order to truly understand the story. Get those books today and make sure to leave a review to let me know what you think! And if you get the ebook version, you can start reading it on your smartphone or tablet device through the Kindle app (free on iOS and Android).

Tomorrow, it’s time for “Totally Nerd-Tastic” to have its turn in the spotlight before Friday’s review of the pricing and list of books in the “Vigilantes Among Us/Heart of Inferno” joint serials. For now, make  sure to follow me on social media and stay tuned to this blog for further updates. Later today, it’s a brand new blog post for my “JDE on Medium” segment. Have a Wonderful Wednesday, my fine friends! God bless you!

March Madness: A Month of Plans, Preparations, and “Mental Flames”

Happy March Madness, fine friends! 

The last two months have been rather lackluster other than my blog posts from my Medium page (which will be known as “JDE on Medium” beginning today), so I am going to rectify that with some new developments that’s been made. First off, this month will be when “Mental Flames: The Burning Memories of Skylar McNeal (the second installment of my “Heart of Inferno” spinoff trilogy) will be launched, and during the Easter weekend, no less! And as of yesterday, I have officially finished the publication process for the book through Amazon KDP with the paperback, hardcover, and ebook versions formatted and ready to go. If all goes well, then you can expect to see the announcement for the ebook version that’s available for pre-ordering and the other two versions with the ebook version set to launch on Amazon on March 29th (Good Friday). 

On Monday, I will begin yet another online book tour featuring the books in the “Vigilantes Among Us/Heart of Inferno” superhero teen fiction series to recap you with the storylines so far. I want to make sure that you guys get a copy of all my books AND even gift copies to your superhero fan in your lives. So make sure to check me out on Amazon right now and be sure to follow me on social media (click on the “Links” page) so you won’t miss a thing.

Not only that, this month is when I get more personal about my writing career through my “JDE on Medium” segments that feature my candid look on my creative process and what it means to be a neurodivergent writer of color. I’m not going to lie, I felt like I hold myself back with these kind of posts and I think that it needs to be said regarding my creative outlook. So don’t be surprised when I start letting down my walls and show a more…deeper side of myself to you. This year is bound to be full of challenges for me as I continue my writing career and it’s time that I got real with you on this. All I ask of you is to never judge me on what I have to say because that’s how I usually feel when I try to put myself out there.

Finally, I’m going to share my journey for  the April run of Camp NaNoWriMo as I get things ready for the first draft of “The Beautifully Damned and the Eternally Blessed,” my first adult-themed mystery novel that’s going to take an edgier and realistic turn from my family-friendly series. I’ll showcase my feelings and thoughts while I get the outline all set while letting you know what to expect. This year is when I’ll be expanding my horizons and trying something different. Because sometimes, a writer has to set course for unchartered waters and take a walk on the wild side. And despite my inner censor telling me to play it safe and stick with what I know, I’m going to unleash my inner Mad Hatter and show you guys my version of Wonderland.

All that and more are coming your way for this month, and I intend to go the distance and then some! Get ready, folks, because you’re in for one wild ride. Until tomorrow, have a great weekend!

From my Personal Vault: “The Baltimore Angel”

Ten minutes.

            That’s how long I’ve been waiting at this bus stop, trying to see if it’ll come so I can make it back to my dorm from the library. I’ve been busy with midterms and everything that I almost lost track of time. Now, it’s pouring buckets and I am bone tired. Nights like this I wish I had a car of my own, but I guess that’s the life of a minister’s “miracle child,” who lost his older brother before I had a chance to know him.

            “Need a ride?”

            I jolt out of my thoughts to see a young man in his late teens to early twenties in a 1967 Chevrolet Bel Air. He has closely cropped brown hair, skin the color of light caramel, and steel-gray eyes that seemed to lived longer than he has. He kind of reminds me of a younger
James Dean or Marlon Brando, by the way he’s dressed from his gray T-shirt and faded blue jeans to his black steel-toed boots.

            “I said, ‘You need a ride?’ You’re going to get soaked,” the guy speaks up at me over the pouring rain.

            I shake my head no, not wanting to get any wrong ideas from this guy. “I’m waiting for the bus,” I say. “Thanks for the offer.”

            “All right, but you now the last bus usually runs late, right?” Brando guy quips at me.

            Dang it! He’s right on the money. The B-More route will be late and by the time I gwt to my dorm, the doors will be locked for the night. And I don’t wat my mom, who worries about me already, to be calling the school in the middle of the night. “Yeah,” I concede.

            “Come on, then. It’s pouring out here and I don’t want you to spend the night out here,” the guy hollers at me. “Landon Park or Addison?”

            I assumed he meant my residence hall. “Addison,” I tell him. “Got 30 minutes before we lock up for the night.”

            “Exactly! So do you want to risk it out here in the rain?”

            Every moment I wait here is another moment being wasted trying to wait for a bus that would be an hour late and it was too far to walk to my dorm. “All right, you win,” I say as I grab my laptop bag and sped for the car. I put my things in the backseat and buckle up my seatbelt, safely stored away from the freezing rain. “Thanks,” I mutter as I slam my door shut and the car begins to move.

            “No problem. The name’s Carter. Isaiah Carter,” the guy says to me, his eyes focused on the road.

            “Nathan Adams. Hope I won’t get locked out,” I say as we move through the Morgan State campus.

            “I know my way around Morgan State. You’ll be there before 11pm. Say, what’s your major?”

            “English and Mass Communications. Double major. Why?”

            Isaiah stares at me. Figured you were an arts major. I see you walking acoss the Quad with an art portfolio in hand, hanging out with some of the Art Club kids,” he says. “Never thought you’d be interested into the letters.”

            “Figured I do something steady to get me into a journalism job,” I explain as we near the dormitories. “We can’t all be artists, you know.”

            “But I bet you can.”

            I raise my eyebrow at him “How so?”

            “Let’s just say that I have a feeling that you’re destined for more than being a writer.”  We pull up  to Addison Hall, with twenty minutes to spare. “We’re here.”

            “Thanks,” I say as I step out of the car and grab my bag from the backseat.

            “Hope to see you soon,”Isaiah says to me as he begins to pull off.

            I watch him drive away. “You too,” I murmur as I hurry inside so I can avoid being locked out.

            Minutes later after being settled in, I start to wonder if this Isaiah guy is who he says he is. He wasn’t that bad and he was concerned about my curfew. But I can’t help but to think if there’s something more than meets the eye about him.

            I shake my head as I settle under the covers in my bed. I had two more midterms beofre going home for the weekend and I plan to get it all accomplished.

 

 

            “So, what time you got back into your room last night?” Mishelle Anderson, my confidante and best friend since high school, asks me as we sat down to breakfast the next morning. “I was about to call a search party for you.”

            “It was twenty minutes until then,” I tell her, taking sip of my orange juice. “Had to work on that Literature paper for Guzman’s class not to mention Connor’s Poli Sci paper. It was closing time until I got it all done.”

            “Who brought you home?”

            I look up from my omlet. “What?” I ask warily.

            My best friend smirks, her pretty cocoa brown featues marred by her snarky attitude. “Don’t play coy, Nate,” she drawls. “For one thing, the last bus usually runs late and Addison is too far for you to walk unless you left earlier. And your parents made me promise to keep your butt safe at all costs. So, I ask you agin:who brought you home?”

            Dang her and her Sherlock Holmes deductions! Might as well get it over with, I think. “Some guy named Isaiah Carter,” I say nonchalantly. “Saved me from a long walk.”

            “Do tell. So, what’s he like?”

            “Mishelle!” I exclaim, surprised at the thought of going there with her. “He wasn’t even like that. He kind of reminds me of James Dean or someone else. He’s a student, says that he saw me a couple of times across the Quad with my portfolio.”

            “A sophmore?”

            I shrug my shoulders. “Maybe. Could be a junior or a senior.” I say.

            We ate in silence for several minutes, randomly talking about our midterms and plans to go home for the weekend before getting back to the Isaiah situation. “So, you think you’ll see this Isaiah guy again?” Mishelle asks, polishing off her sausage sandwich.

            “Dunno. If anything, it’s the first and last time we crossed paths. He has his own thing and I have mine,” I admit as I pick up my tray to bus it after standing up.

            Mishelle stood up to join me. “Good.”

            I face her. “Good? Whay do you say that?” I wanted to know.

            “Nathan, if anything, you know that it’s my duty to make sure that nothing ever happens to you,” she explains to me as we take our tray to the conveyor belt to dispose of our scraps. “This Isaiah guy could be crazy or something.”

             “M, I can look fter myself,” I protest, though I had to admit that she was on point.

            “I know that and so do you. But in your parents eyes, you are their only son since Trey died and if it was up to them…”

            “I’d be under their watch 24/7,” I mumble, knowing that Mom would want me under her care as if I was one of her prized preserves kept until the winter. “Don’t remind me. I just want-“

            I never finish my sentence because standing at our table was Isaiah Carter, reminding me of a younger Paul Newman in a black polo shirt, matching low ise jeans, and dress shoes. He looked very much at ease when he saw me but the moment his gazed focused on a sputtering Mishelle, his eyes turned cloudy.

            “Hey, Isaiah. Thanks again for driving me to my dorm,” I say.

            “Morning to you too,” Isaiah replies. “Who’s this?”

            “Oh, this is Mishelle Anderson. She’s a close friend of mine.”

            “Nice to meet you, Mishelle,” he says uneasily as he shook her hand.

            “Charmed, I’m sure,” she says with the same feeling as if Isaiah was Satan himself. “You’re the guy who took Nate to his room?”

            “Yep. figured he didn’t want to spend the night outoors in the rain. it was no trouble.”

            “I bet.” Mishelle eyes him for a few minutes. Turning towards me, she says, “Listen, Nate. I got to go, but don’t forget about the lunch with our folks later before the Bio II Lab later.”

            “I won’t,” I say. “See you.”

            “All right,” she hollers. “Isaiah.”

            We both watch her grab her stuff and head out of the cafeteria. “Well, she was, uh, nice,” Isaish says to me.

            “She’s just looking after my interests,” I reply.

            “Really, how so?”

            I wasn’t really ready to divulge my problems to a guy I met only last night.

            “Hey, one rule of advice: If you have anything to say or prove, never hold back,” Isaiah says to me.

            I nod before going in for the kill. “It was because she knew I came from a well-respected family-  my dad being a well respected minister and tax commisioner and my mom a high school teacher. She also knew that my older brother Trey died when  was only three years older. Killed by a drunk driver while intoxicated behind the wheel himself. Since then, I wasn’t left to myself while I watched my older twin sisters Cassadee and Kierra get  more freedom because they were more mature and responsible.

            “All during middle and high school I was teased because I was watched and fussed over like a hawk, dresed conservatively and rarely went to any parties. I never fought it, though, because I kind of knew that they wanted what was best for me. By the time I met Mishelle, I had a little bit of freedom, but I rarely exercised any of it.”

            “What about coming here?” Isaiah asks me. “Was MSU your first choice?”

            I smile sheepishly. “It was actually Iowa because of the art program there, I admit. “But Dad insisted on Morgan Sate for two years before transferring to Maryland. In-state tuition would be cheaper and they would make sure if I was okay. I put my foot down on staying on campus. Otherwise, I’d be a commuter student.”

            “Well, I for one am glad your here,” Isaiah says to me.

            “Oh, how so?”

            “I get to make a new friend along the way.”

            “Really?” I think this is starting to be a great friendship.

            “Yeah, though let’s just say that I’ve been watching you for a while.”

            Watching me? Hmm…. Maybe not.

            “I better go. I got a Statistics midterm at 8:30am and it’s almost 8am right now,” I say, grabbing my bag and backpack.

            “Good luck. Hope you do great,” he hollers after me as I head out of the cafeteria.

            As I cross the Quad over to the math and science building, I thought about the advice he had given me. What did he mean to not hold back. I admit that Mom tells me that I look like I am holding something back from reaching my full potential, but it’s not personal or academic. And what did he mean when he said that he’d been watching me for a while? Oh, man. I can’t tell Mishelle; she’ll tell Mom and Dad and that’s another can of worms I do not need. I definitely can’t tell them either. Looks like I got to figure this out on my own.

 

            “So, young man, how did you think you did on your midterms?” Mom asks me as I get settled into my bedroom for a relaxing weekend. After the last wave of midterms, Mishelle and I joined our parents for lunch before going home, promising each other that we’d meet up on Saturday over discussion for that night’s plans.

            “I think I did all right. The American Literature midterm paper over Gatsby was well typed and thoroughly edited. As for the Poli-Sci midterm, I think I flubbed over the discussion questions, but the multiple choice was a breeze,” I say as I take out my art supplies and portfolio, placing them on my desk. “Everything else was left to fate. I was so busy with everything, I didn’t make time for any artwork.”

            “That’s good. Remember your prioities and time management, young man.” Mom nods as she sat down on the newly made bed and caresses the bedsheets gently. “Listen, I know you haven’t had mch freedom since Trey’s death.”

            “I know, Mom,” I say to her, sitting next to her as I gently pat her shoulder. “You just want me to be safe, not wanting to make the same mistakes as Trey did.”

            “But it doesn’t mean that your father, your sisters , and I don’t want you to have a life of your own. You had to give up so many opportunities in high school and missed out on school trips while everyone made fun at you. You’re turning nineteen in a couple of months and everyday I watch you  grow up it reminds me and your father that you’re becoming an adult.”

            “What are you trying to say, Ma?” I ask.

            Mom turns to me and sighs. “I just want you to promise me that you will make better choices when you do turn nineteen and that you can always come to us when you need some guidance,” she says. “But you got to remember to keep God first in all that you do and to never be afraid to speak your mind.”

            That’s something Isaiah told me, I wanted to tell her but decided against it. “I will,” I said instead. “I’ll always be your baby, Ma.”

            Mom wraps me up in a tight embrace. “My Nate. My sweet, little Nate,” she murmurs softly and for the first time, I begin to hope that she can let me go.

 

            Dinnertime came and with it came the twins and their husands. Kierra, a hotshot district attorney,  just wrapped up a two-week criminal case that made headlines. And Cassadee, folowing Mom’s footsteps, had finished preparing her first grade students for the state test.  Both of them were expecting their first children in a few months and they were glowing with excitement.

            Afterward, I was lying down in my bed, unable to rest after Mom’s famous five-cheese lasagna dinner. Deciding that this called for some creative thinking, I take out one of my art canvases, lay down of of the old bedspreads used for painting, and start setting up to paint. I started painting when I was in sixth grade and developed a great knack for it. I even entered into a few competitions in high school but always had to accept my prizes in the mail because of the Trey situation.

            Just when I was about to think about what I had wanted to paint, a strange breeze came from nowhere and I also thought I heard some tinkling wind chimes. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath- inhaling in a sweet smell of oranges- and started to work. As I do the preliminary work, I begin to have flashes of memories about Trey. Although I never remembered much about him, there were the ones that stuck out: his booming, musical laugh; the way he carried me on his shoulders as we hung out at Towson park; his enigmatic smile; his floppy brown hair (his good hair, as Dad would say); they way he sung to me when I was teething for the first time and I was fussy, his voice so melodic and otherworldly.

            I wished that I would have something of his to remember him by, but I knew that it wasn’t to be because Mom and Dad took his clothes to Goodwill and put his trinkets in the basement, long forgotten. His friends, long moved on with their lives, used to tell me stories of his glory days during high school. All of that had brought a small smile on my face as I do my magic with my art pens and charcoal pencils.

            After what seemed like forever, I stop to take a break to see what I accomplished. And I was amazed at what I did.

            A young man was dresed in jeans iand a T-shirt, surrounded by what looked like glass snowflakes falling all aornd him. But what surprised me the most was the young man himself. He looked a bit like Isaiah, yet his features were different. His nose was a l ittle wider and a bit turned up. His eyes were livelier, by the way he saw the snowflakes falling around him. But what impressed and captivated me the most was his smile. It was a bit of a smirk, as if he was either mocking the viewer or holding back a secret that only he knew. There was a small cleft in his chin.

            “Wow,” I murmur.

            Who was this guy that I cultivated? Whatever that was in that mysterious wind has given me some sort of a creative boost. I think about stopping right there and head for bed, but that wind came back and with it that faint smell of oranges. I immediately inhale it and grab my paints to finish what I started.

 

 

            Saturday afternoon was spent in leisure for the Adams family. Mom was in the backyard, clearing the weeds and planting in the snapdragon and dahlia bulbs for next spring. Dad was in his study preparing for the sermon that he would give the next day. I, on the other hand, was  in the reakfast nook and already looking over my notes from my classes and geting a head start for the week ahead. I couldn’t afford to lag off since I had a feeling that I would end up at Maryland someday.

            At that moment, theere was a knock at the door. “I got it,” I holler as I meander towards the main foyer, expecting to see Mishelle for a quick study break.When I opened the door, I was surprised to see Isaiah instead, dressed in the 1950s style: blue jeans, plain white T-shirt, and black steel-toed boots.

            “Hey! What’s new with you?” I greet him.

            “Just in the neighbrhood,” he says casually, his voice smooth and mellow as an ice cream float.”How’s your weekend so far?”

            “Okay, so far. Wanna come in?” I open the door further so he could.

            He shakes his head no. “Have to met up with someone in a bit. How about later?”

            I think for a moment as I see Mishelle come up the walk. “Hey, M,” I greet her.

            She’s smiling at me but quickly frowns as she sees Isaiah. “He’s leaving?”

            “Just about. We were discussing plans to meet up later,” I said. To Isaiah, I asked, “What time and place?”

            He closes his eyes for a moment to think. “Brooklyn Cafe off Riverside. 3pm. Does that sound good to you?”

            “You bet. See you then.”

            He nods and turns to leave. “See you then, Nate,” he says. “Mishelle.” he nods at her as he walks past her.

            As soon as he was out of earshot, Mishelle grabs my arm and guides me towards the breakfast nook. “What the hell was he doing here?” she hisses softly, careful not to let Dad hear.

            “He was just pasing through, M. He just wanted to check up on me,” I eplained. “He didn’t stay long since he had to head somewhere.” I gesture to her to have a seat.

            “Mmph. As long as he was doing just that,” she says.

            “He was!” I insisted. Deciding that this called for a change of subject, I say to her, “Anyway, the reason I called you over is to show you what I painted last night.”

            “Ooh, another Nathan Adams original? I thought you’d be tired after midterms,” she says, clapping her hands. “Where is it?”

            “Upstairs in my room. Be right back,” I tell her as I head upstairs to my bedroom to get out the portrait of the guy. I still couldn’t figure out who he was, even after I finished painting and letting the painting dry overnight.

            I grabbed the painting and met Mishelle back in the breakfast nook, where she was talking to Mom who was back from her gardening. “Is this another original of yours?” Mom asks me, smiling.

            I nod. “Couldn’t relax last night, so I figured I do a bit of artwork,” I say as I set up the easel and put my latest piece up for display for the girls to look over. “It just came to me and I was amazed at what I did. I never did anything like this before.”

            The painitng was now in full color. The young man was now wearing blue jeans and his skin was the color of a mixture of light caramel and cream. And the background was in a nighttime theme, stars decorating the sky and the glass snowflakes were electric blue and had more sharpness at each end for definition.

            I knew that Mom, Dad, Mishelle, the twins and their husbands were my biggest critics and everything I created had to be carefully considered. “What do you guys think?” I ask cautiously. “I could nix it, you know, and-“

            Mom’s expression was pure wonder while Mishelle was totally stunned. “Nathan who is this?” Mom asked softly.

            “That’s something I never figured out,” I admit. “He kind of reminds me of Trey, but his features are a bit off.”

            “I bet I know,” Mishelle mutters.

            “M!” Oh, no. She cannot keep a secret!

            “Who is he, Mishelle?” Mom asks her sternly.

            “He’s Isaiah, Mrs Adams,” Mishelle blurts out, looking at me with apologetic eyes. Can’t blame her for being honest with Mom.

            “Who is he, Nathan?” Mom  asks me.

            Might as well be honest, I think in exasperation. “He’s a guy who took me to my dorm two days ago, Ma,” I say. “He saw me waitng in front of the library for the bus that would be late, and nowing that I’d be late for curfew if the bus came late, gave me a ride.”

            “That’s not all,” Mishelle interjects. “We met him during breakfast and he was here a few minutes ago to see how Nate was doing.”

            I look at mom, pondering on what she heard from both of us and from what she thought of my painting. Here it comes, I think with dread, the iniquisition.

            “Why didn’t you invite him in? I’d like to met him?’ Mom asks.

            “He had to met someone so he couldn’t stay.”

            “That’s well and fine, but you could’ve told me about him yesterday.” She took another look at my painting. “As for your work, that’s a wild piece. Do you have anything planned for today?”

            I told her about my plans with Isaiah and our meeting at the Brookyn Cafe.

            “Funny you said that, because I know the owner, a young man who’s looking for great talent. I told him about you and he wants us to meet with him later on this evening,” she replies. “This Satuday is contemporary jazz night and we can have dinner afterwards.With luck, Josh might buy your paintings and make you an offer. And, we can meet with this Isaiah character.”

            “Are you sure? I rarely know the guy myself.”

            “Honey, anyone who brings my home safely from the rain and is concerned about your welfare must meet us.”

            “I second that,” Dad says as he took a look at my painting. “Pretty amazing. You never do anything like that. The guy’s a little familiar.”

            “We just thought the same thing,” Mishelle says.

            So it was planned. My family, Kierra and Cassadee included, would join me at Brookyn Cafe an we’d meet with Isaiah.

            After Mom and Dad left, Mishelle took a look at me. “Are you sure you want to do this?” she asks me. “If I were you, I’d stay away from this guy.”

            “M, I’m sure that Isaiah is a great guy. You’d just need to give him a chance. You’ll like him,” I say to her.

            “I’m sure I will,” she just sighs.

 

 

            “It’s nice to meet you, Nathan. Your Mom told me that you were a great artist,” Josh Graye, the owner and manager of the Brooklyn Cafe, tells me as we shake hands. After much debate on whether or not to go for this and to let my family meet Isaiah, I told myself to go for it and got three of my painitngs for Josh to view.

            Mishelle decided to come along. “For moral support,” she had said when I met her and the twins at the door.

            “To see if this isaiah guy is legit,” Kierra, her legal persona in full blast, replied. “Don’t want you to fall in the wrong crowd.” Cassadee nodded her assent.

            Now, here we are in the cosmopolitan-styled coffeehouse that definitely reminds me of New York City, with all the pictures of famous sights and landmarks that NYC has to offer and the shades of ble giving it a subtle feel. The jazz band was doing renditions of cotemporary music, yet it all sounded classical the way the lead pianist- a young man in his early twenties- was playing.

            “Nice to meet you, Mr. Graye,” I say.

            “Call me Josh. My mission is to find the best young artists of all kinds and to tell them go beyond what they’re used to. What’s the use of letting yourselves be heard if you only do what the people like to see or hear?” Josh motions to my art case, which held my artworks, the latest piece included. “I can’t wait to see them.”

            “I hope that you’ll like them. I did one last night out of impromptu,” I tell him.

            “Great! The spontneous piece is known to have  lot of promise. Give me a few moments to check on my customers, and then we’ll meet up in my office later.”

            “Of course, Josh. We’re expecting to meet Nate’s friend later so we’ll order something while we wait,” my dad says as he makes his way to the bar.

            Josh nods and heds out to do his rounds.

            The rest of us took our seats at a couple of tables. “You guys really think I have potential?” I ask, sitting between Mishelle and Kierra.            “I’d planned to be a literary agent, you know.”

            “Nathan, you have a gift. We all though your artwork would be like a one-time hobby,” Mom admnonishes me gently. “If your father and I had known, We might have considered letting you go to some art school in the northeast, like Brown or RISD in Rhode Island.”

            “Yeah, bro. Even I was taken aback when I saw your latest piece,” Kierra pipes up. “It looks so life-like, and the guy does look familiar.”

            “Who is he?” Cass asks me, looking up from her smartphone.

             Before I even got a chance to reply, Mishelle says, “He hasn’t even figred it out yet. It was impromptu after all.”

            Thank you, Mishelle.

            “Do you know what you’re going to call it?” Dad asks me as he carries cups of coffee for everyone execpt for Cass and Kerra who opt for some hot cocoa; there were also some blueberry muffins for Mom and the twins, bear claws for himself and Mishelle and a chocolate Danish for me.

            I shake my head no. “I’m still stumped by that one,” I admit. “It was all so sudden. One moment I was contemplating on what to paint and I came up with this the next. It all had to do with that strange wind that came from nowhere, giving me the inspiration.”

            “Do you think that God was trying to tell you something?” he asks me, tirring in a pcket of sugar. “Sometimes inspiration comes from His hand in order for you be be led for a greater purpose.”

            “I never considered that. You might be right about that one, Dad.”

            “Consider it. You always felt like you had something to hold back, but you shouldn’t, not when it comes to creating something you can be proud of.”

            “My thoughts exactly,” a young man’s voice  pipes up.

            I turn around to see Isaiah standing over us in amusement. “Hey, man. Didn’t expect you to bring your family here,” he tells me good-naturedly.

            “I stand up to give him a quick hug. “Mom said that I should let Josh view my paintngs and they wanted to meet you,” I explain, giving him a quick introduction to everyone. He shakes everyone’s hands, including Mishelle who lightens up a little.

            “Young man, it was noble of you to bring my son bak to his dorm that night,” mom says.

            “It was nothing,” Isaiah replies humbly. “Hope it’s not too much trouble to ask if I could join you all.”

            “No, not at all.”

            And after that we all stated to have a great time just talking about each other’s lives and making jokes. Isaiah seemed more at ease and feeling more like a part of the family. All too soon, it was time to meet Josh, who comes by to our table to tell me to meet him in his office in the back.

            I grab my art case. “Wish me luck,” I tell my family.

            Isaiah stands up. “I’ll join you,” he says.

            “You don’t have to,” I tell him.

            “I want to. I want to see your best work.” his steel gray eyes are determined.

            “Okay.”

            We both follow Josh to the hallway tin the back that will take us to his office. I say a silent prayer to myself hoping that my artwork would be good nough for Josh. “God is trying to tell you something,” Dad’s voice echoes in my head. If He was, I’d hoped that it would be for my artwork to be known.

 

 

            Josh’s  office is contemporary and yet has a laid-back feel towards it. Posters of Miles Davis, Duke Ellington, and Ella Fitzgerald Decorate his wall as Debussy plays through his Bose radio. “What’ve we got?” he pipes up.

            I take a deep breath and open the case that held my artwork. The first one was a portrait of Mom back when she was in college. Her auburn hair was cut in the style of Farra Fawcett and her creamy skin complemented her flowingwhite dress, the same one she wore at her high school prom. The second one, painted black in white, depicted a small oceanside town at twilight, the stars and constellations overwhelming the crescent moon as the town sleeps on. “It’s all detailed and planned,” I explain as I sit both on them lying face up so both Isaiah and Josh can view them.

            Josh walks over and takes a good look at each of them, Isaiah following them, both of them silent. “Not bad,” Isaiah whispers.

            “Indeed,” Josh agrees, “but it feels like you’re holding back from me. A great artist of any  kind should never be afraid to show his great masterpieces.”
            I knew what he was talking about. Now or never, I tell myself as I take out my lastest creation. The one thal loks like Isaiah, surrounded by glass snowflakes behind a starry moonless night. “It’s was painted of spontaniety,” I explain, sitting the last one between the others. “It’s untitled at the moment.” Both Josh and Isaiah step towards it with great amazement as they take in all the details of my work. They don’t say anoter word until they both feel like they have seen everything.

            I start to worry. What if this was a big mistake? Should I have done something more simplified? Is it too soon to bring it over here?

            “I like it.”

            I jolt out of my reverie. “Excuse me?” I say.

            Josh faces me, a big smile on his face. “I said that I like it. This,” he says as he motions toward the painting, “shows that you have done your personal best and that the spontaneous, like I said, always has the most promise.”

            Wow! “Thanks. Isaiah, what do you think?”

            Isaiah just smiles. “Amazing,” he says. “Hey, can you give us a moment alone?”

            Josh nods. “I need to talk to your parents. I have a proposition for you,” he tells me. He steps out of  room, leaving me and Isaiah to our own thoughts.

            Isaiah takes a deep breath. “It’s amazing, Nate,” he says. “I knew from the start that you have the gift.”

            I was stunned by his revelation. “What do you mean?” I wanted to know.

            “Come on, man. How else did you paint that picture of me?” he smirks.

            I close my eyes and start to think. There ws n othing special about that day, except that strange wind comeing from nowhere and inhaling that scent of oranges….

            Wait a minute.

            Oranges.

            I almost forgot! Trey loved oranges.

            I snap my eyes open. Isaiah was gone. No lie, he was gone. POOF! Like that!

            Is it possible?

 

 

            A few mintues later, I meet up with my family. “You guys, Josh is offering me a summer internship at the local art gallery downtown,” I tell everyone.

            “Honey, that’s fantastic!” Mom says, giving me a big hug. “Did he also make an offer on the paintings?”

            I nod excitedly. “He wants to buy all three, but he wants to buy the one I did last night for an extra $400. It’ll be displayed here in this cafe!”

            “Son, that’s amazing news. What else did Josh tell you?”

            “He said that I have the gift and that I shouldn’t be afraid to hold it back. The painst over there,” I say, pointing towards Landon the piano player, “was like me. At first he was expected to play music that his family and friends like to hear. Now, he’s on a scholarship at NYU, writing his own music and playing here.

            “Dad, you were right. God was trying to tell me something and he used Isaiah to do it.”

            “Who’s Isaiah?” Mom pipes up.

            “You know, the guy I told you about. We hung out before we went into Josh’s office.”

            “Doesn’t ring a bell,” Mishelle drawls. “Are you having a sugar high?”

            I knew right then and there not to push it further, because I had a strong feeling that Isaiah was more than a person who picked me up from the library that night. He was my guardian angel. “Never mind,” I say.

            Josh walks up to us. “Hey, Nathan, think about my offer,” he tells me as he hands me his business card. “Call me tomorrow. But now, let’s celebrate.”

            I laugh as the band starts to play Ellington. “Of course.”

 

 

Three months later…

            I am enjoying the music here at the Brooklyn Cafe, Josh and Landon both joining me as we wait for Mishelle. To this day, I have painted a lot of portraits and landscapes, even trying out some abstract work. Of course, I make no more mention of Isaiah since I don’t want to be labled as a crazy person. That part is still a secret that remains with me. I knew that they wouldn’t believe me.

            Anyway, the painting I did now hangs proudly at the inside entrance of the cafe, inviting all to take in something beautiful while having a cup of coffee. After much consideration, I decided to sell Josh the painting on the condition that it goes home with me once a month because I now have something that I can remember my brother by.

            I call it “The Baltimore Angel.” Because he was sent from heaven to look after me.

From my Personal Vault: “My Life in a Rhapsody”

This is a story on how I finally tore down my secret barriers, letting the music within me flow through me without any inhibitions. And it led me to make a significant choice…

 

 

      “Are you here alone?”

      I’m  in a shady dive bar, deep in thought when I see him. He kind of around my age, yet he’s slightly taller. By the look of his perfect smile, I could definitely tell that he’s “the true all-American young adult,” as my dad would say. Wavy, brown hair, deep blue eyes that looked intense yet charming and slightly tanned skin.

      Why would this guy talk to someone like me, I asked myself. I’m only average and-

      “Don’t think like that,” he scolds at me.

      Wait, what? How did he know what I was thinking?

      All-American guy stares at me. “Look, kid. You may be thinking that this is a bad joke and that I’m yanking your chain. Or maybe you’re telling yourself that this isn’t real,” he said. “In fact I’m going to give you three seconds to tell me that this isn’t real. No excuses or any other mess. Just tell me that I’m not a good guy. And I’ll be gone like that.” He snaps his fingers at the last word.

      Wide-eyed, I just stood there with my mouth agape.

      Triumph plasters on his face. “That’s what I thought,” he said, pulling his stool next to mine. “Relax. All I want is to know you better, though I have a feeling that I do. Name’s Josh. Josh Graye.

      “Landon. Landon Gaumont,” I said as we shook hands.

      “That’s a nice name. So, what’s a good kid like you doing around here?” Josh asked me.

      I knew someone was going to ask me that. “I was kicked out of my house.” I muttered.

      “Why?”

      Another deep breath. “For telling the truth and revealing some huge secrets.”

      Josh stares at me for three minutes. “You’re a minister’s kid aren’t you?” he asked.

      I nodded sullenly.

      Josh stand up. “I dreamed that you and I would meet one day,” he said. “Come on.”

      “Wait!” I hardly knew the guy and he’s already inviting me to his place? “Where are we going?”

      “I have a theory about you and we are going to discuss the moment leading up to this day. We’re revealing every secret and holding nothing back. That is if you’re still interested in talking to me.”

      I thought about leaving him here in this bar.

      I thought about running home to Aunt Gia’s house and never looking back.

      But something kept telling me to trust this man. “Sure, why not?” I said, grabbing my coat as we walked out of the shady dive bar and into the streets of Baltimore “Will I know some of yours?”

      “Maybe. Only if you’ll be open with me, though.”

      “I think I can do that.”

      Next thing I knew, we were at one of the gazebos in Walcott Park, just enjoying the scenery and watching the people enjoy the evening. It took almost ten minutes of awkward silence before Josh finally spoke. “Like I said, Landon. I finally figured you out.”

      I sat up straight, eager to hear is theory. “How so?”

      “You’re one of those fresh out of high school kids who had to keep secrets in order to be the perfect son your parents- your dad being a well-respected minister and your mom a kindergarten teacher- expected you to be. It wasn’t easy since you’re an only child and your parents micromanaged your life.

      “You can’t have a car until college, nor a cell phone because your dear old dad believed in the theory of earning things through hard work. Before you entered high school, boy/girl parties were out of the question and your grades had be impeccable at all times. Am I right?”

      I nodded, steeling away the memories of Dad’s rants on how I had come up short should I bring anything home lower than an A… Mom’s looks of disappointment… an email from my youth group leader that was meant for “encouragement,” but all I could hear was, “Hey, Landon, get your act together…”

      “And it wasn’t until 9th grade that you had a gift in water athletics and music. Dad approved them (“As long as you keep your grades up and govern yourself accordingly.”) and even your musical skills. But he wanted you to play the songs he only liked since he was a picky listener-“

      “Some Enchanted Evening, La Vie en Rose, a bit of Tony Bennett,” I muttered.

      “Right,” Josh said. “And composing your own music wasn’t an option, since he thought that contemporary music had gone down the drain.”

      I just sat there, simply took in what Josh had said so far. It felt so weird, yet it was all true.

      “The big kicker came when Mom and Dad changed their tune of dating from ‘No boy/girl parties whatsoever’ to ‘When are you going to get a girlfriend’ as if they wanted you to get married as soon as possible. They set up dinner parties and blind mini-dates with girls from you parents’ friends and co-workers, suggested that you go to school dances, anything to make you happy or in their case make them happy. But you weren’t happy. Not because of one simple secret.” Josh leaned in closer to me, making sure I had his attention. “Should I tell you what it is? Or do you want to?”

      I knew what it was. I had to let my barriers down to gain his trust. I took a breath and dove right in. “I was party interested in guys and girls,” I said.

      “That’s right. You were bisexual or at least you thought so. You weren’t sure. But you tried to hide it, agreed to the blind dates and enjoying the company of the girls so your parents’ minds can be at ease. You even had a steady relationship or two, but they never lasted for even two months because each girl knew that you weren’t happy.

      “One day, you came home from a date with a girl from school, your parents wanting to know how it was…”

                                                                ……………

 

      “So, how was your date with Lana?” Mom asked me the moment I stepped inside the family room. Lana Baldwin was a cheerleader at Hinton Prep as well as the daughter of one of Dad’s good friends. We had a great time, yet she knew that we never really connected and decided that we should remain friends.

      “It was fine. We went roller skating and had dinner at Marcia’s Diner,” I said as I sat down in the chaise lounge across from my parents who were perched on the loveseat.

      “So will we see her again soon?” she asked me pleasantly.

      “I don’t think so. She just wanted to remain friends.” That was partly true; she also said that I wasn’t into her at all and that I need to get myself straightened out.

      Dad shook his head in irritation. “I don’t get it, son,” he said gruffly. “She’s popular, pretty, comes from a prosperous family-“

      “A Christian, too,” Mom piped in. “Not like one of those liberal-minded girls.”

      “Exactly, Cass! And she liked you from the start! Why the change of heart now?”

      “I really don’t know, Dad,” I answered, feeling agitated. “Guess we grew apart.”

      “Isn’t there anyone you like or have in mind?” Mom asked pleadingly…

                                                                      ………

      “Right then and there, you had a choice on whether or not to tell them the truth. But you didn’t want to disappoint them and you were their only child. So you did what you had to do…”

                                                                      ………

      “No. Not yet, really,” I said.

      “Mom and Dad sighed. “You really need to cowboy up, son,” Dad harrumphed. “At the rate this crazy world’s going, time is not on our side and I hope that you can remain pure and morally clean. that’s why we want you to find yourself a lady.” He stood up and walked over towards me and stared me down. “Until you do, I’ll be watching your every move.”

                                                                     ……….

      “Right then and there you had to do something. Something majorly drastic,” Josh said. “But you needed to plan and do it under the radar. What you did needed constant preparation and constant practice.” Josh stood up. ” I have to go now, but I’ll tell you the rest of your story tomorrow. You’re staying with someone, right?”

      I nodded. “With Aunt Gia. She took me the day I got kicked out,” I replied.

      “Good. Meet me at…hmm. You know Brooklyn Cafe off Carver Avenue?”

      The place with the jazz music playing from inside?” I always wanted to go, but Dad told me to stay away from places like that.”

      “Ah, what does he know? Anyway, I work there and I open the shop at 2pm. We can finish up there. Maybe I can entice you to play something.”

      I thought for a moment. I did let one barrier down. And who knows? Maybe I’ll let down more and really let him into my life story. “All right,” I agreed. “I’ll be there. Hey, what about your secrets?”

      Josh turned around, his sapphire eyes dancing in the sunset. “What about them?” He asked.

      “You said that I can learn a few secrets about you. Tell me one of them,” I said. He did owe me that much.

      ” Here’s one. I’m a guardian angel and I’ve been watching you for quite a while,” he said smirking.

      I blinked at him. “Really?”

      “You never know.” Josh laughed as he left the gazebo and took off into the night. I took in his secret and wondered if he was joking or serious.

 

                                                                 …………..

      “You’re here,” Josh said as I waked inside the spacious and very bohemian coffeehouse. It had a New York vibe with a touch of cosmopolitan and urban chic. yet the color scheme reminded me of the beaches of Lanier Pointe. The stage at the front consisted of various musical instruments, the showstopper being a white Young Chang baby grand piano.

      “Amazing” I said as I took a seat at the bar. “It’s the kind of place I imagined myself in.”

      “I know, right?” Josh answered back, chuckling as he set up the espresso machine. “and the piano?”

      “Beautiful.” I wished that I could jump up and play songs that I loved without anyone judging me.

      “Why don’t you?” Josh blurted as if he was reading my thoughts for the second time.

      “I looked up. “Excuse me?”

      “You have a gift for the musical art, like I said yesterday and you exercised it the day you executed your plan. Speaking of which,” he said as he came towards me, “it’s time to end your theory.

      “Your dad decided to watch your every move to see if you stayed true to yourself. Little did he know was that you had some secrets to keep from him, one involving a close friendship with a guy who you fell in love with yet he turned on you, breaking it off. The second was a special project you were planning for the school’s annual spring music showcase. In between family time activities, school, church events, sports, and youth group, you were hard at work with the symphonic band as well as the jazz band. You told everyone at church and your parents that you were doing a tribute to Tony Bennett. But you had something else in mind.

      “A few of your close friends from school and church, however, weren’t so sure about your project…”

                                                                   …………

      “Landon, are you sure about all of this?” Rolonda McNeal asked once she finished looking over her sheet music for what seemed to be the umpteenth time. “I mean, isn’t there any other way to tell your parents what’s on your mind?”

      “Or how about not telling them at all?” Marcus Cartier said, setting up his bass guitar. “They’ll probably won’t want to hear what’s up anyway.”

      “Guys,” I said. “I have been holding back for far too long and Dad’s getting way too close to me. Good thing I’m able to save everything on my jump drive.”

      “Yeah, because if he found out before the concert, he’ll make sure you would never leave home until you’re freaking forty,” Marcus griped. Good old Marcus. Always an optimist.

      “I’m risking it. Did everyone else get their music?” I asked.

      “Um-hmm. Hardgrave said that this was a huge step. You really sure about this?” Lena Greene said as she set up her cello.

      “As sure as I’ll ever be.”

      “Does Dan know? Or will he know at the concert?” Zhang-Yao Jiang replied.

      I took a deep breath. Dan Bellingham was the last guy I want to talk about, yet he has a right to know everything I felt, even after our relationship had fizzled and he started dating Chloe Allen. “Guess he’ll find out, because I invited him to the show alongside Chloe,” I replied, approaching my piano. “Let’s go, guys. It’s time to get this rehearsal on the road…”

                                                                     ……….

      “You spent every chance you had practicing and performing your piece in the band room after school and even on some Saturdays while your folks played golf at the country club. There were moments that you thought about calling it all off and continue to fake it, to play the minister’s kid everyone expected you to be. But, after a few weeks, there was fierce determination in your eyes as you practiced. There was no turning back.”

      Josh took my hand. “There were a thousand possibilities going through your head. What if you had told your parents the truth earlier? What if you weren’t attracted to both guys and girls? What if you hadn’t met Dan?” he said, counting each factor off from his fingers. “You planned all of this down to a complete science, knowing that in the end, your dad would one day find out the truth and he would either accept you for you or-“

      “He’d disown me for good.” I finished.

      Josh nodded. “The night of the showcase, you saw everyone fill the seats of the auditorium once more as you were one of the last to perform. Your parents sat in the first row, their faces aglow with excitement….”

                                                                    ………..

      “Landon, you’re ready for this? It’s not too late to change your mind,” Rolonda said, violin in hand as everyone took their places.

      “It is too late, girl. I need to do this. Not for them, but for me,” I said.

      The curtain rose. “L, just call it off, dude. No one will blame you,” Marcus hissed worriedly.

      “No turning back now,” I whispered back as the audience applauded. I took my seat at the piano. “Ladies and gentlemen,” I addressed the crowd, “I know you all expected me to play a tribute to Mr. Bennett, one of my dad’s favorite recording artists…”

      Dad beamed at me, giving me a thumbs up.

      “But I’m doing something different, an original piece, “I finished.

      Dad’s face changed from pride to concern. “What’s going on, Landon?” he whispered.

      “Something I must do, Dad. I’ll explain later,” I mouthed to him. “Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you My Life in a Rhapsody…”

                                                                   …………

      “That night, you performed your biggest and most talked about masterpiece yet. You told a story of love, loss, regret, and the need for freedom. During your breaks, you snuck in looks of your parents. Your mother had a blank face while your father was chagrinned as if you broke his heart in so many ways,” Josh said, setting down a cup of coffee with cream and sugar.

      I helped myself to both and took a sip. ” I didn’t mean to,” I admitted. “I just wanted to let myself be heard and to finally tell the truth.”

      “And so you did. After your performance you took both of them to a small classroom and spilled everything that you held back: the feelings you kept hidden, your reason for the project, how you felt when it seemed like your father held you back from your full potential, and the whole story about your affair with Dan-except that you didn’t want to at first, did you?”

      I bent my head down, afraid that this barrier will show everything I held in my soul.

      “Hey, come on. This is you biggest test,” Josh admonished me. “You came this far. Don’t hold back now.”

      He was right. I can’t hold back anymore. I looked up and let the tears fall. “No, I didn’t,” I sobbed. I took the paper towel Josh offered me and dried my tears. “I was afraid of making it worse.”

       Josh nodded somberly, as if he was there. “Yet, your dad had a feeling. He had hoped that it was all a bunch of lies and that you would deny it. But you telling him everything was just a way for the ax to fall on him. After that, you all went home and headed for bed. Part of you had regretted telling them, but another part was relieved of the shackles that had held you back.

      “The next morning, your fate was sealed. It was short yet it wasn’t sweet….”

                                                                   …………

      I arrived at the breakfast table, where Mom and Dad were both seated yet there was no food. I already knew what was up. “Guess this is it, huh?” I said.

      “I’ll make this quick then,” Dad said. “I’ve arranged for Aunt Gia to take you in until you leave for NYU,” he said. “When I come home from golf, do not be here. There is nothing left to say anymore. As of last night, you are no longer my son.”

      Mom and I never said a word until Dad left the room. “Guess I’ll pack my stuff then,” I said. I stood up to head upstairs.

      “Landon,” Mom piped up.

      “Yeah?”

      I looked at Mom’s hazel eyes sadness and regret filled to the brim “I’m so sorry, honey. Sorry for everything,” she whispered as she hugged me.

      “It’s all right, Mom. I love you.”

      Mom stepped back. “Well then, can you play for me a song of your choice then before you pack?”

      I smiled weakly. “I thought you’d never ask.”

      Three hours later, all of my stuff was packed and I was ready to start anew. Aunt Gia greeted me warmly as she helped me with my stuff. “I always knew,” she said.

      “I kind of knew too, sis. I just chose to ignore it until last night,” Mom said. as she gave me a bag of her famous double fudge brownies. “I love you, baby. I always will.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek,

      “I love you too, Mom. Not even death can break that,” I said as I got into Aunt Gia’s SUV and to a new chapter of my life….

                                                                 …………..

 

      “That was a month ago. Since then, I turned 18, graduated from high school as valedictorian, got a full ride at NYU and now I’m working on my music. I even do a bit of literary fiction. It took a while, but I got back into the rhythm of things,” I said finishing off my coffee.

      Josh took my cup. Three weeks after graduation, you grew tired of staying in so you went to this shady dive bar and then you and I met. And here you are,” he said, grinning.

      “Here I am,” I said, allowing myself a small smile.

      “So, are you ready for that private concert?”

      My eyes went wide. “Right now? Here?” I exclaimed. “It’s been a while.”

      “He took my hand as he guided me to the piano. “I know you’ll do great,” he said, nudging me to sit on the piano bench.

      “Guess it’s now or never,” I muttered as I took a deep breath and did my thing. Before I knew it, every stroke of the key came forth the story I told back in  the auditorium for the senior showcase. I was playing a blend of contemporary music mixed with classical pieces,feeling the beads of I felt sweat pour down my forehead as I let myself play skillfully and with no conviction. At the end, I decided to mix Janelle Monae’s “Sir Greendown” with Debussy’s “Claire de Lune” as my finale. I didn’t know why but it felt right to do it. I guess talking to Josh helped me do things that I never expected.

      I looked up and I saw a small audience of customers and the musicians clapping and cheering me on. A few of Josh’s co-workers whistled loudly. “Thanks,” I said sheepishly allowing myself to bow and accept the praises.

      “Dang, kid. You got some skill. Wish I has half as good as you,” a petite black girl with caramel skin and an Afro said as she took the piano.

      “Nothin’ like it,” murmured an elderly Hispanic saxophone player.

      I found Josh at an empty table. “Told you that you’re good,” he drawled. “Which is why I have a great revelation about you.”

      “What’s that?” I wanted to know.”

      “There is a moment that a person with great potential can unlock it and finally free himself from doubt. The first time I saw you wasn’t at the bar; it was at that concert. Listening you play Rhapsody was that moment for you. And I want you to work for me.”

      “Me? Work for you? We’ve only just met. This is all happening so fast.”

      “I know, but you have the gift. You spent too much of your time being caged and playing music that people want to hear. Now you can be free and freedom is power. Work for me. You can work here Mondays through Saturdays and people will come from near and far to hear your songs. The money you’ll earn can go for college.”

      “Is there a catch?” I asked suspiciously.

      “Only to let yourself open and to let others see you for you. That’s all I ask. I’ll make this a summer to remember,” Josh said, seriousness in his voice. He took out his card and gave it to me. “Call me tomorrow to let me know of your decision. But tonight we celebrate with jazz and coffee!”

      I laughed. “Of course!”

                                                                    ………..

      “So, how are things?” Dad asked me, sitting across from me as we had dinner at Marcia’s. After I left the cafe, Dad had called me to meet him here, saying that there was something he needed to talk to me about.

      “Good. I’m going to NYU in the fall and someone offered me a job at Brooklyn Cafe. He asked me if I could play piano and I did. He told me to call him tomorrow with my decision,” I said, digging into a slice of strawberry shortcake.

      “That’s fine. I’m glad of your progress. Listen, I haven’t been much of a father to you and I realize that you telling me the truth was something that was hard for you to do. I just want you home again.”

      “Will I have to follow your traditions and play songs you only want to hear?” I asked suspiciously.

      “At times, yes. And I’m sorry if it will make you uncomfortable, but I just want you home with you and your mother.” He took a deep breath. “Whatever you decide, I just want you to be happy.”

      I nodded. “I’ll think about it and call you tomorrow,” I said.

      “That’s fine. I’ll drive you back to Aunt Gia’s.”

                                                           …………..

     

      That night, I thought about both offers. Dad sounded sincere and genuine; he even let me decide about the job offer. But would he flip the switch on me? And will I have to marry after graduation? He has a lot riding on him as a minister and a businessman and I can’t blame him.

      But there was Josh. He helped me relieve myself of the boundaries I hid behind and he really saw true potential in me. He never judged me

       Both of them were right about one thing. I deserve to be happy. Right then and there, I knew my decision.

     

 

      The next morning, Aunt Gia off to her business trip, wishing me good luck on my decision. I grabbed the wireless phone and called Dad first. “Hello?”

      “Hey, Dad. I made my decision.”

      “All right then. What is it?”

                                                                  ………….

     

 

          After hanging up, I dialed Josh’s cell phone number. It took only two rings before he answered. “Hey, Landon. What’s up?”

      “I made my choice.” I said. I have never felt so nervous in my whole life.

      “What about it?” he asked. “You ready for a great summer?”

      Now or never, Landon, I thought. I took a deep breath.

                                                               …………….

      The choice I made had affected my life in so many ways. I could tell you who I chose, but I won’t. Nor will I tell you how I spent that summer. But I will say that I do not regret my decision in any way and that I am happy.

      The rest you’ll have to figure out yourself.

      My life is truly one in a rhapsody.

ReBooting my Creative Writing Career in 2023

The following blog post is now available on my Medium blog page (check out my page and show support).

Thanksgiving has come and gone, and with the holiday season now in full swing, I can honestly say that this year as a writer trying to rebuild my brand and reinventing myself has been…well, chaotic.

For the most part, I’ve been dealing with new ideas for my stories alongside juggling with finishing old ones and thinking of ways to bring some monetary income to my creative lifestyle. Add in trying to find a job and dealing with personal issues (my mental health being one of them), and you can say that I was even lucky enough to get this far without wanting to jump off a bridge.

Honestly, I often thought how I wasn’t doing enough yet doing too much as an artist who’s still struggling to present himself. I thought that nothing that I was doing right now was ever going to be good enough: how I wasn’t writing enough, how I wasn’t showcasing my works enough, how I wasn’t good enough to even be a writer. Do you know how hard writing is for a black man who is neurodivergent (autistic), especially one who is unemployed? Very hard, and that’s for anyone who’s doing the traditional route of publishing. Some days, I’m writing day by day nonstop while coming up with new blog posts and topics, figuring out ways to present my stories on Amazon, and even trying to find a good job. And some days, it’s like my mind won’t allow me to do much creating at all- as if it’s mocking me on how I was playing a fool’s game.


And I’m not going to lie to y’all right now, there’s been some dark moments where I considered checking out on life- to end everything because no one will take me seriously. But it’s because of my faith and having a praying family alongside my love of literature that I’m still moving forward with my dreams of being a successful author. I’m now working on finishing two ongoing books (with one set to be published next spring), planning to bring back a mystery novel that I want to see come to fruition in two years, and even coming up with some new content for my blogs. I also want to get an email-newsletter campaign going and even gain work as a freelance writer. I know that I still have a long way to go before my dreams actually come true; but I am done with sitting on the sidelines and letting my talent go to waste. It’s time to start being an artist and getting real about my creative-writing lifestyle. Right now, it’s a hot mess and a half, but it’ll get neater and I will have a masterpiece in my hands.

“Mental Flames” Progress, an Adult-Contemporary Mystery Novel, and Ideas for the Future

Hey, y’all. So, I am still hard at work with finishing up “Mental Flames: The Burning Memories of Skylar McNeal,” and I will say that the first draft will likely be finished before the Christmas season. I’m actually two chapters away with reaching the end with plans to finally get Skylar and his friends meet with Xavier Reeves and his team- have things set up for the last book in the “Heart of Inferno” spinoff trilogy and the main “Vigilantes Among Us” seven-book series. In all, that’s ten books featuring these two gentlemen and I want to make sure that these two serials intertwine with each other with a possible spinoff afterwards. I know I’m getting ahead of myself and everything, but it never harms to think about the future regarding my stories.

Anyway, I have another project that I’ve been placing on hold- my first-ever adult-contemporary mystery novel entitled “The Beautifully Damned and the Eternally Blessed.” All I can tell you is that it’s a murder-mystery novel with elements based on “The Bold and the Beautiful” and “Days of Our Lives” with a twist of Agatha Christie’s “Miss Marple” series as well as the crime dramas from the past (“Murder, She Wrote,” “In the Heat of the Night,” “Matlock,” and even “Cold Case.”). This project is not meant for the typical teenagers and whatnot as I plan to go bold with this one- expand my horizons and try something entirely new. And I will tell you that I’ve been working on the outline for quite a while- so much so that it’s almost finished, but will need more time getting it done. My plan for that story is to write it next November and then have it published in 2025. I really want to try something new and push my limits to new levels. So bear with me as I continue to reboot my writing career and get everything reorganized. 

As for “Mental Flames,” plans to work on revision and proofreading will begin after the Christmas and New Year’s holidays. After finishing with the rough draft, I am letting this simmer until then so I can use my time to relax and even get things organized for the future. But the main thing is establishing a email-newsletter campaign to gain more followers and even lead them to my books on Amazon. I have a lot to do before the year is out, so keep me in your prayers, you guys. I would really appreciate it if you get my books on Amazon or follow me on social media. And by tomorrow, you’ll see a new post that’ll be available on my Medium page. For now, you guys, I will see you later! Have a terrific Tuesday and may God bless you!